


It's not okay

by bi_nocturnal_g



Series: Ok Series [2]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst and Humor, First Time, Fluff, Gen Fic, M/M, Pre-Slash, Romance, Series, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-19
Updated: 2011-02-19
Packaged: 2017-10-18 11:37:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/188520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bi_nocturnal_g/pseuds/bi_nocturnal_g
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fact: Steve is a bastard</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's not okay

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve always had a problem saying no. I’m really working on it, I am, but it’s hard when I’m so easy. So I give you Steve’s POV and now my one-shot turned into a multi-chapter and there’ll be more because I can’t just leave it like this, because I promised some making up and this isn’t quite what some of you or even me had in mind and because my version of making up goes way beyond PG-13.

Steve’s day started out fine, great even. He spent the entire weekend in the company of a lovely lady. Granted he spent most of those times in bed, but that’s just technicalities.

Stopping at a red light, he watches as a mother with 2 kids crosses over. A fleeting thought enters his mind, but he’s too relaxed to grab unto it and focus his attention. He has a funny feeling that he is forgetting something, but for the life of him he can’t remember what.

He shakes his head and finally pulls into the parking lot. If it was important he’d remember it by now, so he resolves to stop thinking about it because his head is starting to hurt by forcing his mind to remember, and that just won’t do. He wants this relaxed and mellow feeling to last him through the day.

He’s immensely happy when he catches sight of Danny in the main centre. An insistent voice is yapping away in his mind, but he ignores it like he usually does, in favour of throwing a happy greeting towards his partner.

"Hey Danno."

His grin gets bigger as he watches the angry frown on Danny’s face at hearing the nickname. He doesn’t protest when his irritated partner grabs him by the sleeves of his arm and drag him into Danny’s office. It’s amusing watching Danny come apart for him; Steve simply can’t help but goad him, the blonde is so easy sometimes.

He’s sure that any minute now Danny is going to start ranting, because of Steve’s use of the nickname or some other shit he pulled last weekend. And Danny proves him right, there he goes, face animated and hands alternating with waving and pointing at Steve. When he gets like this Steve just turns him out, waits for him to calm down from his rant, because usually it’s just another complaint about Steve’s work ethics or lack thereof and he gets those rants 3 á 4 times a day from Danny that he can practically dream it.

But then Grace’s name is mentioned and Steve mind starts to pay attention. He blanches when Danny’s voice finally manages to penetrate his thick skull. His stomach churns and he thinks he’s going to be sick because this is unbelievable and his mind is just playing tricks on him but Danny is still there, practically shouting now and he wishes the ground would swallow him up, but it’s not happening. He simply forgot and even he knows it’s a lame excuse before he gets it out in the open.

"Cath totally took me by surprise and I know that’s no excuse but I’m really sorry Danny. I honestly forgot about it.I’ll make it up to you and Grace. I swear to God."

It’s now that he’s reminded by it that he can recall the light in Grace’s eyes, so full of life and stunning like her father’s, the bow of her lips curved pleasantly with joy at the thought of spending the weekend with her father and his partner. She was so happy last Friday when he’d announced it that she’d jumped straight into his arms, her tiny arms wrapped around his neck. There was no hesitation in her actions, completely trusting Steve to catch her mid-jump and it was the most amazing feeling Steve had experienced and the feeling multiplied when his eyes cut to Danny and saw the fond expression his partner was giving the both of them.

"She really looked forward to spending the weekend with you."

And with that last tidbit Danny walks out of his own office and Steve really should get up because he’s robbing his partner of the use of his own office but the pain that blossoms after Danny’s departing word is so great that he’s afraid that his legs won’t hold him up long enough for him to cross the room and into the privacy of his own. He knows he deserves this pain and so much more because he can’t believe that he’d forgotten his promise to Grace, that he’d spent his entire weekend with the wrong girl and God he really is a bastard and the sad thing is he’s got no one else to blame but himself.

His apology sounds lame even to his ears but he hopes that he gets a chance to show his partner how sorry he is and that he’ll be allowed to make it up to Grace, because Steve really enjoys spending time with her. He loves it as much as when he spends his time with Danny and the thought of being denied of her presence or Danny’s hurts so much the world greys out for a minute or two.

He can’t imagine it, not spending any time with either of the Williams, because over the last couple of months he’s gotten used to hearing Gracie’s laughter ring across the yard to the lanai where Steve and Danny would share a beer. And it’s sappy but he looks forward to the trips he plans whenever Danny brings Grace over, because he gets to show all the wonderful things his island has to offer and the look of wonder on both of their faces never fails to warm his heart.

There are so many things he still wants to show them, things that are sure to make them fall in love with Hawaii and make them considers this their home, and he wants that, wants Danny and Grace to consider this their home so that they’ll never leave, never leave him. Just the thought of waking up and go through the day without a glimpse of his partner or his daughter is simply unbearable.

It’s an awful feeling, as if someone ripped a piece of his soul apart; this must be how his partner feels every single time he has to let go of Grace and he doesn’t understand how Danny can continue on with his life, where he finds the strength, when at the moment there’s this giant hand squeezing his heart without showing mercy and it’s killing him right there and then.

He lets the matter rest, watches numbly as Danny takes a seat at one of the main room’s desk, because that’s all he can do at the moment. And when they get a case handed to them he welcomes it because that means he’ll be too busy focusing on anything but the case. Off course it’s not quite that easy and he gets distracted because Danny is right there, not speaking to him and his silence is oppressive and it hurts but Steve doesn’t know how to make it stop hurting, so he just follows his partner’s lead and tries to make it through the day.

Steve can’t handle the fear of disappointing Danny for the second time that day so he does everything Danny has taught him over the last couple of months, even if he pretends to be deaf when the Detective is talking about proper procedure and probable cause and the correct way to interrogating suspects. He does it perfectly, feels a little bit proud of himself for not going batshit because there’s so much waiting for everything, results from the lab, acquiring court orders and how the hell do normal cops handle this day in and out without wanting to shoot something out of frustration. Already he can feel this insane need to stir something up but he ignores it because being in the dog house sucks and he wants out, not to be kicked against the curb.

So he keeps his head down for the rest of the week, not wanting Danny to blow up at him again even though his partner has all the right. He’s a bundle of nervous energy by the time they wrap up on Friday and before the others have gathered his stuff he runs like hell back to his house to regroup and make up a strategy.

The entire Saturday is used to reconsider and drawing out another game plan, over and over again, until his floor is littered with torn up papers. In the end he settles for a trip to the Honolulu Zoo because surely Grace is going to love it and by default Danny because really who doesn’t love animals.

And this is going to work he’s sure of it.

He finds it a big accomplishment that Danny doesn’t slams the door in his face when he shows up bright and early Sunday morning and he sincerely hopes that Danny doesn’t already have something planned or that he’s going to shut Steve out because that’s one contingency in his plan that he hadn’t considered.

He watches as Danny steps aide and then his vision is filled with sunshine and flowers. This is it, the moment he’s been waiting for. Steve’s holding his breath as he goes down on his right knee. He can see Danny waiting behind Grace for his apology, his face blank, eyes promising a swift and painful death if he fucks this up, but when he opens his mouth to begin all that comes out of it is Gracie’s name over and over again like a broken record. And before he knows it he’s got Gracie reeled in, head tucked under his chin, his arms like tight bands of steel protectively clutching her body close to him as if she’s his lifeline.

They fit together like a puzzle and it feels so right, a strangled sound escapes him; it’s like a mix between a sob and a whimper and he’s embarrassed by this, because this wasn’t what he had in mind. He had an entire speech planned out but the words escape him at the moment. So he just tightens his hold on Grace, knowing she’s probably starting to feel uncomfortable but he can’t help himself. He’s afraid to let her go and he feels so stupid. He desperately hopes that he’s able to convey everything he’s not able to put into words.

 _  
I’m a fool.  
  
_   
_  
I’ll do better I promise;  
  
_   
_  
This time I mean it.  
  
_   
_  
Please forgive me.  
  
_   
_  
I never meant to hurt you both.  
  
_   
_  
I love you.   
_

__  
It’s    
midday    
by the time they make it to the Honolulu Zoo. The sun is shining and it’s not too crowded. Grace brings out the best in them without even trying and it’s not long before Danny and he banter back and forth like the old days, except this time they’re trying to impress her with little facts about the different animals they see.

Grace is a giggling warm presence between them, hand clutched in both their hands as they travel their way through exhibit after exhibit. They don’t speak about Steve’s breakdown, they just relish being together, just a normal family taking a trip to the zoo.

Around the bend and they see the first of the big five, the elephant. Grace excitedly tugs her hand away from them, before linking their hands with each other and running along the fence that looks over the enclosure. There’s a minute of two where awkwardness sets in and Steve is waiting for Danny to tug his hand away but it stays right where it is and if Danny doesn’t find anything wrong with it, then Steve isn’t going to either. A blush stains his cheeks and he’s glad when Danny eventually tugs him forward, so that it’s unseen by the other. His partner is a steady and warm presence at his side as they follow Grace’s trail all the way across the African Savanna. It’s surreal but by the time they reach the primates they’re still holding hands. It should’ve felt awkward but it’s not.

He wonders later as they sit on a bench, over looking the Zoo’s play ground where Grace has charmed both local and tourist kids alike in a game of tag, if Danny will allow him to place his arm around the back of the bench so his fingertips barely brushes Danny’s neck. He’s already half-positioned before he freezes up because this isn’t like in the movies and this is his partner, who’s going to slug him when he catches up to Steve lame ass intentions.

Danny is looking at him funnily and it takes half a second before he’s reminded that he still has his right arm held slightly above his and he takes it all the way up front, rotating it before sending the same message to his other arm as if he’s just stretching, working the kinks out of his neck and back, and this is totally not him making a fool of himself. Sparkling blue eyes lets him know that he’s not fooling anyone and he grins sheepishly, ducking his head down.

"You’re such a goof, McGarrett."

Steve laughs softly because Danny’s right; he is acting like a goof, but its Danny’s fault. Danny’s fault because he has never felt this alive before, so full of energy and ready to face the day and whatever it throws at him, knowing that he’s able to handle it because he has his Danno by his side and in the end that’s all that matters. And he wants to put it into words, make Danny understand how much Steve appreciates him, how he’s glad that Danny’s his partner, that Danny places so much trust into Steve.

Danny just looks him fondly over before tugging him to the exit after completing another round of the Zoo. There’s a look in his eyes that say _I understand and stop acting like an idiot because I get it you big doofus_ and that right there makes Steve want to throw caution to the wind and just kiss the hell out of Danny for being so amazing. He wants to devour him so bad, the need like this active volcano at the brink of eruption, but he tells himself to calm down because this isn’t the right moment, the right place.

After they drop off Grace Steve takes the long way home to his place. They sit side by side on the couch, drinking some longboards, watching the news and it’s comfortable and nice and Steve knows exactly how to turn it into perfection, but instead of claiming Danny, like he wants to, he escorts the tired blond to the guest room and wishes him good night.

He has no idea if Danny feels the same, but he wants to, no needs to find out if the same fire is burning deep within Danny, because he’s convinced that those passion-filled looks that Danny throws him from time to time are not figments of his imaginations. Danny definitely feels something for him, but Steve can see the hesitance in his eyes, knows the reason for it and that just won’t do because it’s all or nothing for him now and Steve’s going straight for the heart.

Danny won’t know what hit him.

[It's okay](http://bi-nocturnal-g.livejournal.com/1855.html) / [Masterlist ](http://bi-nocturnal-g.livejournal.com/2670.html)/ [It's alright](http://bi-nocturnal-g.livejournal.com/4724.html) 

 

 

 

 


End file.
